On facebook I posted a topic and stated can I be real-- the scripture from 1st John 4:18- There is no fear in love, but perfect love cast out fear; because fear has torment, He that fear is not made perfect in love.
Fear bound me for awhile, fear of not being liked, accepted, rejected, not loved, left alone, fear of going against the grain so I conformed. I was molded by the world that shaped me rather than the hands that created me in my mother's womb. I allowed words and people to dictate who I was going to be and what I was going to represent because it blended in and I was not alone. I came to a point in my life where being alone and out of my element was the most challenging and rewarding experience. I learned through the time of solidarity that there was a discovery that needed to be made, even after being saved. While writing the first book only after it was published did the process really start to take place. The book became the foundation rather than the work and was actually very prophetic as to what the process was going to look like and how to prepare. You see, God starts to prepare you for the process that you need in order to heal. He outlines it for you and making some strategic arrangements in order for His will to be accomplished in your life. You have free will to do what you please but when you have hit the bottom of the pit, you feel the depth of your soul empty. You start to feel that nothing is possible rather than looking at all of the possibilities. The book, The Outlook on Your Inbox that the Holy Spirit ministered through me was a spiritual mirror that I often looked at and looked away from. I received the word and the information but it never penetrated the depth of the spirit, there was more work to be done and it has to do with healing the emotions and renewing the perception of yourself and who you are called to be in Christ.
I have yet to tell it all, but all I can say is I don't look like what I have been through. I understand that while reading this you may think, not so, not me, (meaning -- what you did was not as bad as what I did-- pssst. sin is sin) not an addict, not a prostitute, no gang member, not a liar, not a thief; but if you are any of these, You are who He came for. My life was covered by the image I wanted people to see, my identity was shaped by people's hurtful words and lack of understanding, I played the harlot. Some of you will clench your pearls, others will judge but allow me to explain. A harlot is someone who sells themselves for personal gain, financial gain often defined as money in exchange for ...... no need to fill in the blanks. Can I submit to you that if you are not living up to your potential, if you live for the financial gain outside of the will of God, if you give yourself away to anyone just because you don't want to be alone, if you submit to other's opinions of you -- you too played the harlot. You too, have sold your self for far less than what you are worth, you too have lived a life filled with tears and mourning wishing things could be different but just couldn't give something up. You could be there now, thinking that you are living the life you wanted but at night you and I both know that there is a longing in your spirit and in your soul for more.
My longing for more was when I was found at the well -- The Lord dealt with me in truth but in love, I had so much to look at it in the matter of my heart that I was dishearten by what I became from the choices that I made. In the moment of my enlightenment, after much time with Jesus, I learned that I was afraid to be loved the way I should have been. Christ showed me through my experience with him and through the Holy Spirit speaking outright that I had to start with a relationship with Him before I learned to love myself. If I didn't understand what unconditional love meant, if I didn't understand what forgiveness was how could I give it and more importantly how could I accept it. I was in fear, and I remained that way for sometime. While it is just me and my girls I found a love that I never knew before, I was comforted with every word, at night I would be alone on the balcony and it was like I was with someone who was talking my language who spoke to my spirit and my heart and my soul. I didn't have that before. I was in a place finally that made me feel good about me. And in the physical it was just me, but on that balcony, during those walks I was never alone.
The God I know, the Christ I know took the wretched mess undone and started molding me in love. I won't lie - a lot of it was hard to swallow but His love for me would not allow me to give up because now I am not contending for me but for the work that He is doing in me, contending for the feeling of being fulfilled, contending for being made whole and to be used by Him and to receive the promises that he has- which is a life to prosper, a life of joy, a life of love and peace. Jeremiah 29:11 I feared that the love I knew before would be the best I would ever received. Not so. Perfect love cast out fear. His words ministered to the depth of my soul that now even at this moment, I live today wanting to be better tomorrow, learning from the past and moving forward as my worship to Him.
If you fear, you are not in perfect peace, if love torments and you long for more then you are not filled. I want to tell you from my personal experience that the only thing that is going to fill you is the love of Christ in you. I was so afraid that my past and my failures would hinder me in a way that I was going to be rejected by the one thing that has never left me nor forsaken me. That is what I was use to, I was use to people picking up and leaving and never really giving back to me what I put in them. I was use to changing my wants and forsaking my desires and learned to not have a say because I didn't want to disrupt the status quo. I was used to begging people to stay in my life so I would change who I was and learned to compromise everything that I wanted; then quickly becoming frustrated that they stayed because I still wasn't filled or happy. That needed to be dealt with --I was placing God in a box with people, I was really saying this love can not be-- if I mess up, your going to take your hand from me and leave me. Christ started to show me all the grace and mercy that He extended in love for me, I started to realize where I was in the process. It was about knowing who you are in Christ and the love that He has for you. God so loved this world that He sent His only begotten son and those that believe in Him will have eternal life. Christ loved you so much that He died for you, your life in exchange for His. So why wouldn't I give Him full access to have his way- I was holding onto what I thought I needed.
Even in the process - people speaking about changes somewhat bothered me- because they didn't understand and I didn't want to explain- and when I tried to it wasn't completely understood. I was taking on their emotions and their grief and the mourning of the old me. That had to stop, I wanted the new me more. I wasn't going to defend myself or explain that He began a work in me and I've been redeemed and set free from my past, from the image that you knew. I acknowledged that it is now time to be called Jamie- I couldn't live in the past nor feel bad every time someone reminded me of what I use to do, who I use be and what I use to look like. It was time to deal with the emotion behind it. I knew that my path was a process and that I would no longer walk in rejection or fear of what others considered to be extreme. It was time to break away. The blog itself is called a new name for a reason. Jacob wrestled for His new name to become Israel which in essence is the promise. Jacob had his ways about him and God had Him in a place of fear, despair and need. Jacob had to contend for the name change, He could have moved forward keeping his ways but the truth is -- what would have happened if he never fought for his prophetic destiny. What happens if the caterpillar never fully dies to self and aborts the process- the butterfly never emerges and it simply dies. We wrestle everyday - yes you wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities but you wrestle within when you are transforming, OR WHEN IN NEED OF ONE. Your new life is emerging and the old one can not be resurrected. Your old life consisted of fear and condemnation, your new life consists of love and peace, joy and fulfillment. Its the battle of two worlds- but love made perfect will cast out everything that is not for you and that will hinder you. That is the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Those are His words, the Spirit of the Lord is upon Him to set the captive free. Our old name is tied to an emotion and false identity; and really a play on words emotions are temporary and create false realities at times-- its a temporary feeling that keeps us bound but He has called you new, His, and the redeemed. His perfect love for you -- has saved you from you, redeemed you from this world and have given you mercy,
You can not be ashamed about who you were- its His story for your life, for His Glory. You have a choice to make. You can sit in the pit, you can play in the palace in the jesters field OR you can come to the king's court. He is calling you to be His- He is shaping you in your pain with a unique identity. He has placed a treasure in you, a box that has collected your tears, which is actually apart of the gift that has made room for you. He is asking you to use that treasure, unlock the box, there are gifts in you that you know not of because you fear, because you wont let him remove the years of clutter around them -- OH BUT WHEN YOU UNLOCK THAT BOX the light of Christ will illuminate in you and the gifts will make room for you. He wants your life, your testimony and in exchange for that He will give you peace, joy, love- He will give you the life he has for you in exchange for the one that you created for yourself. His love has cast out fear, His love has redeemed me, His love has brought me back to life, His love has restored me. My past did not disqualify me, in fact it added to the treasure box. Your past does not define you; Christ does. He calls you redeemed.
Out of the ashes you will R.I.S.E. ---- the clench in your heart, the thud in your belly and the knot in your throat is saying that this is for you. It says Its time for you to RISE-- its saying you are not living who you are called to be and you have an opportunity to receive the promises of the Lord, the love of the Lord -- Jesus calling.. He's at the well, He's in the pit, He's in the prison, He's in the crack house, He's in the hospitals, He's at your door knocking, Jesus calling!
Perfect love cast out fear.... No longer will it be apart of you.. Make the choice to seek Him and He will show you great things about you that you never knew.